I have been isolated for four months now, not leaving the house and garden. I am aware that my anxiety about going out again now is increasing as the trans issues have been all over social media. I have no difficulty with the prospect of meeting work colleagues again and going about my work. What concerns me is whether the increased visibility of anti-trans phobia in the press and social media will have made a difference to the general public.

When I first started going out full time, rather than to safe venues which were trans friendly, after a few months I found I was no longer concerned walking round town into shops etc. Yes, of course I was careful not to put myself into situations which might put me at risk, but probably no more so than a cis woman would do. As long as I was confident in the way I walked and carried myself then this reduced the chance of abuse. The only place in which I felt real anxiety would be ladies toilets. Simply because this was a single sex space and though I identified as a woman I was aware that there may be women who would object to a trans woman being in “their space”. The solution was for me to make sure that wherever possible I would visit single gender facilities in outlets such as Costas or disabled facilities where available in pubs or restaurants. I do not like using disabled facilities, because I am not disabled, even if it is safer.

The truth is I feel even more at risk in male toilets. A woman walking into male toilets is asking for a hard time. I always remember the relief when I was visited the Tate Modern as a guest and saw facilities for “all gender” as well as male and female. No need to be concerned.

So will all of this current media interest have made it any worse? I see that the TERFS are now putting out guidance as to how to spot trans women. Check out her height, size of hands and Adam’s apple. Really, this is intolerable. Funnily enough I am a human being, not interested in disturbing anyone. I just want to be able to go about my daily life free from harassment. If I need to go to the loo, to do so without being afraid. I do not think that is too much to ask.

So while isolated I have watched the anti-trans activists upping their efforts and for a while became quite dispirited. Then, at last, there has been a measured response from trans-activists including sensible articles in the press supporting trans women. I find it interesting that all the “safe space” issue seems to be with trans women and not trans men who of course are seen as women by the anti-trans activists.

Public opinion in various polls still have majority support for maintaining the status quo, petitions asking the government to protect trans rights also have substantial support. People are writing to their MPs and in a couple of days time I understand the Rt Hon Liz Truss MP will be setting out her proposals. Whatever the outcome it will be a question of holding one’s head up high, having confidence and using the facilities you identify with whether under the present system or under new restrictions.

I have been isolated for four months now, not leaving the house and garden. I am aware that my anxiety about going out again now is increasing as the trans issues have been all over social media. I have no difficulty with the prospect of meeting work colleagues again and going about my work. What concerns me is whether the increased visibility of anti-trans phobia in the press and social media will have made a difference to the general public.

When I first started going out full time, rather than to safe venues which were trans friendly, after a few months I found I was no longer concerned walking round town into shops etc. Yes, of course I was careful not to put myself into situations which might put me at risk, but probably no more so than a cis woman would do. As long as I was confident in the way I walked and carried myself then this reduced the chance of abuse. The only place in which I felt real anxiety would be ladies toilets. Simply because this was a single sex space and though I identified as a woman I was aware that there may be women who would object to a trans woman being in “their space”. The solution was for me to make sure that wherever possible I would visit single gender facilities in outlets such as Costas or disabled facilities where available in pubs or restaurants. I do not like using disabled facilities, because I am not disabled, even if it is safer.

The truth is I feel even more at risk in male toilets. A woman walking into male toilets is asking for a hard time. I always remember the relief when I was visited the Tate Modern as a guest and saw facilities for “all gender” as well as male and female. No need to be concerned.

So will all of this current media interest have made it any worse? I see that the TERFS are now putting out guidance as to how to spot trans women. Check out her height, size of hands and Adam’s apple. Really, this is intolerable. Funnily enough I am a human being, not interested in disturbing anyone. I just want to be able to go about my daily life free from harassment. If I need to go to the loo, to do so without being afraid. I do not think that is too much to ask.

So while isolated I have watched the anti-trans activists upping their efforts and for a while became quite dispirited. Then, at last, there has been a measured response from trans-activists including sensible articles in the press supporting trans women. I find it interesting that all the “safe space” issue seems to be with trans women and not trans men who of course are seen as women by the anti-trans activists.

Public opinion in various polls still have majority support for maintaining the status quo, petitions asking the government to protect trans rights also have substantial support. People are writing to their MPs and in a couple of days time I understand the Rt Hon Liz Truss MP will be setting out her proposals. Whatever the outcome it will be a question of holding one’s head up high, having confidence and using the facilities you identify with whether under the present system or under new restrictions.

I have been encouraged by the steady number of articles emerging in support of Trans rights in the last few days. I had been discouraged by the incessant abuse being hurled about on the arguments thinking that this just inflamed the situation. I have written to my MP, though with his track record I would be surprised if something positive came from it.

One of the things that has heartened me about the growing response is that there are some cool heads emerging. There is a good  article in Harpers Bazaar by Ugla Jonsodottir “When feminism supports trans rights everyone benefits”. Importantly she distinguishes between the terrible toxicity of the debate where there is abuse being thrown around from genuine criticism and challenge by way of debate. The main thrust of this is that their issue is with men and not transwomen. She points out that trans women “suffer disproportionate levels of sexual and domestic abuse from their partners, showing quite clearly this is a feminist issue”.

I was recently sent a Facebook page that illustrates clearly the argument that JKR’s issue is really with men. I have not been able to find the link save that the author is @darida.d. In it simplicity it shows the fallacy of JKR’s point.

Dear J K Rowling

he word you are looking for is “men”. Your problem is with men

(not with trans women)

You were assaulted by a man

(not a trans woman)

You want single sex spaces to protect women from men

(not from trans women)

You worry that women would be attacked by men who pretend to be transwomen

(not trans women)

Your fears and concerns are valid. But they are to do with men

(not with trans women) 

Your problem is with men

(Specifically cis men)

This highlights quite simply that the fear mongering which JKR has put out is truly based on the actions of cis men and does not take into account the reality that transgender people are just the same as everybody else, trying to lead normal lives and that the scenarios suggested by JKR are not going to take place by trans women and that in all likelihood any such behaviour will be carried out by cis men. It is an established fact that the majority of women who are subject to domestic violence already know their attacker/abuser. They are not random men dressing up as women in single sex spaces. The world portrayed by  JKR’s words is not born out by empirical evidence. In countries were self ID is already law there has been no increase in the kind of assaults or dangers that have been suggested by JKR.  

The Welsh Government this last week has issued a statement in which it confirms its support of Transgender rights in the Principality and calls for clarity on the single sex spaces issue from Liz Truss and for the Government to get on with the Gender Recognition Act review. 

As Ugla Jonsodottir said in her article “If we could let go of these hypothetical debates and instead listen to the stories of transgender people, weʼd all find out that we have way more in common and all share similar aspirations, fears and values in life. Transgender people just want an opportunity to be who we know ourselves to be in every aspect, and to create a society that values safety, inclusion and freedom. If that isnʼt a feminist cause, I donʼt know what is. “

Returning to the question of toxicity, the depth to which some people will go with their hatred has shocked me. A mother had posted on Twitter a picture of her daughter who had recently died. Yet she was subject to loads of abuse that her daughter would be tormented in hell, sorry for the loss of her son, etc, etc… It is essential that this issue is debated without such hatred and bile pouring out.

In that vain I was pleased to see that when The Sun attacked JKR on its front page in relation to the domestic violence she had suffered, sixty trans activists signed an open letter to the Sun saying that although they disagreed with JKR over her views on gender they found the Sun’s front page attack on JKR abhorrent and describing it as cruel and misogynistic. The ability to treat people as human beings and to debate issues in an open way free of toxicity is the only way forward.

I would have liked to continue with my thoughts on JKR and her latest writing about “trans issues and safe spaces” as she puts it, however there have been some really comprehensive and meaningful responses in the last few days that say everything I would want to say and as is mentioned in one of these every trans person is scrambling to add their rebuttal of the misinformation that JKR is spreading. In particular I would mention Katy Montgomerie’s Addressing the Claims in JK Rowling’s Justification for Transphobia (posted on Twitter on 19^th June) and Gemma stone’s Response to JK Rowling’s Transphobic rant also on ( Twitter 18^th June ). JKR has published again in response and maintains her position.

What I think is important though is to contact your local MP and the Minister for Equality, Liz Truss, directly so that the pressure can be kept up on the government to think through there proposed legislation to protect safe spaces for Cis women and not just hope that they might read something that will change their minds.

Once a year there is a Trans day of Visibility on 31^st March. Until this recent explosion of media coverage re safe spaces and trans rights this seemed to me to enough, coupled with engaging in events in Pride month which feel relevant. I no longer feel that to be true as the way in which Trans people are currently being portrayed is in terms of being predators, people you should be fearful of who are intent on causing grief and threatening Ci women’s spaces and “hard won” rights.

 A new hashtag has come up on Twitter called #TransPeopleAreRealPeople where people are encouraged to describe themselves and what they do in an everyday sense. “For example I am in my thirties, I am an engineer and I have three children……” or “ I am a former lawyer in my seventies too busy to retire, have a loving family, good friends,, found exercise late in life, enjoy yoga,, music, motorsport, one time therapist and actor….”.  Not surprisingly from what I have seen so far the responses to people being open about their lives has prompted a substantial number of transphobic, hostile comments.

This seems to me really important to get the message across that ,as the hashtag says, we are real people leading real lives. so the more that people can see we are just ordinary people leading ordinary lives the better. There are always “bad apples” in any section of society and the way in which the media and the Gender Critical community cherry pick instances to tarnish the whole Trans community is wrong.

At the weekend there was a Trans rights rally in Central London attended by thousands, not militant activists, ordinary trans people with cis gender supporters yet the media did not cover it at all! There was no mention on the BBC News or in any of the papers save for the Evening Standard and not surprisingly Pink News. There was no violence it was a peaceful protest. There were reporters present but the event in itself did not warrant coverage although you can imagine the coverage it would have got should there have been civil unrest!

Of course the Gender Critical Terfs have cited this event on social media again to highlight how the Trans lobby for is attacking women’s rights.

I  have always been cautious about being defined as being Trans. That is not the defining description of me, it is part of me. I am also a parent having brought up four children, I am a business woman who has, so far, been able to negotiate my way through from male to female and continue working. My work colleagues and partners carry on seeking my advice, opinions in the same way as they did before I transitioned. I am still me. All I wanted to be was treated no differently and not as “Name….you know she is trans” You don’t  refer to a Cisgender person and say “ she is a woman”.

I have come to the view that it has become necessary for the time being to be visible, not just for one day of the year or at specific events. Many people “go stealth” in an effort to lead their lives as free from prejudice and hostility as they can which I find quite understandable.

However, if trans people hide then trans rights will be diminished and more trans people will be put at risk afraid to live their normal lives.

I have read the essay by JK Rowling (JKR) again. I feel it is unfortunate that someone with her platform of fame, wealth and following has used her position to set out her views and spread misinformation without supporting evidence.

JKR has become the victim of hate abuse for she says “simply speaking the truth”. I do not condone abuse  from whichever side of the debate.. The only way for these intricate issues to be resolved is by grown up debate and education, not by mudslinging and hurling abuse at one another. 

JKR supported Maya Forstater who believes that people are defined by their biological sex at birth and that biological sex is the ultimate factor in life. This is the stand for which she supported Maya and which was subsequently not supported by the Judge. Later JKR supported Magdalen Berns who also believed in the biological sex definition and for which she claims she has become the victim of hate simply for speaking the truth. 

Trans people do not erase sex or deny sex assigned at birth. It is a scientific fact what DNA and chromosomes you have.  Trans people do not think that sex does not exist. They do not deny the identity of sex and that their sex at birth will control how their bodies develop. Although Transgender people acknowledge their sex, sex  and gender are two different things. Gender is how the person identifies and then take steps to transition to make their body reflect their gender identify. If the concept of sex was not accepted there would be no need to transition to match your identity.

One of the terms JKR objects to is that of TERF. An acronym for Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminism.  Trans Exclusion, i.e. trans women are not women. TERF has gained a negative connotation in the trans community as it discriminates against Trans women by saying that feminism is only for Cis women.

As I have already mentioned JKR supported Magdalen Berns. Magdalen Berns is a TERF who JKR describes as a brave young feminist and lesbian, who was tragically terminally ill. JKR supported her as she believed in the biological sex definition. JKR also supports Magdalen’s belief that lesbians should not be called bigots for not dating transwomen with dicks. So far as I am aware nobody is dictating who anyone has to date.

Unfortunately, Magdalen goes further in that she regards trans women as men with a sexual perversion having previously tweeted “You f*cking blackfaced actors. You aren’t women. You are men who get sexual kicks from being treated like women f*ck you and your dirty f*cking perversions Our oppression isn’t a fetish you pathetic f*cking sick f*ckers”. This is highly offensive to Trans gender women who are not just dressing up or are fetishists and is totally unacceptable. 

JKR says dots were joined in the heads of trans activists. It is hardly surprising that someone supporting a person with such views caused distress in the trans community. The fact that JKR is supporting such people is why she has been seen as being transphobic by the company she keeps despite her claims of empathy with as well as knowing and being friends with trans people.

Nonetheless her views are confusing in that although she states she has empathy for and supports Trans women, describing them as among the most vulnerable in the community, and that she would march with them if they were being discriminated on the basis of being trans, she does not appear to recognise that is why exactly why Trans people are discriminated against. Simply for existing, a contradiction that just does not make sense.

Similarly the way she links violence by Cis men towards Cis women and the activity of misogynistic men as a sexual predators, identifying in particular people such as Donald Trump, to Trans women is really negative making links this with Trans women being men in dresses. From this base she draws the conclusion that Cis women need safe sex spaces to protect them from the risk of being assaulted. There is no evidence that since transgender women gained the right to enter womens’ safe spaces there has been an increase of incidents of such assaults nor does she provide any. It feels like fear mongering.

JKR also cites her own sexual assault and being the recipient of domestic violence abuse as the need for women to have safe spaces in shelters. This is absolutely true for all women not just Cis women. JKR has said that Trans women are often more at risk of such violence and are in need of protection and a safe space. The abuse she suffered was at the hand of her former husband, a CIS man. There is no connection to any risk being from a Trans person.

It is disappointing that JKR claims to have substantial support from Cis women who work in the field of gender dysphoria supporting her views. However she does not give any actual evidence other than this sweeping generalisation which lacks credence. If the people to whom she refers carry weight in this field then surely such evidence would be more worthy of consideration if their roles and qualifications were disclosed.

JKR spends quite some time suggesting being trans is a fad or phase again projecting her personal experience of being a tomboy and her struggles with growing up with amongst other things OCD. In her own case she says it would have been tempting to have transitioned to become the son her father had openly said he would have preferred.

She implies thatTrans people and young Cis women in particular do not know their own minds and are too easily influenced to escape from realities of growing up as a woman and that they do not know their own minds. In my experience people do not transition as a result of a fad. It is a serious undertaking which risks the person losing everything, family, friends, work, yet the need to transition, to align your body with your gender is such that no matter the risk it is inevitable and something that comes deep within ones being.

I do not believe anyone is suggesting that JKR is not allowed to cite her own personal history. However in her essay she has drawn conclusions which suggest that the whole trans community are a cause for concern and that Cis women need safe spaces to protect them from Trans women. This is needlessly causing fear and hurt which has been not supported by hard evidence. There will always be and always have been Cis men who will cause harm to women and Trans women who may or may not cross dress to perpetrate their assaults. All women both Cis and Trans are entitled to the basic human rights to protect themselves and their access to safe spaces.

I continue to be concerned about the issues that are constantly in the media over safe spaces.

I have been looking at the history of trans rights. The first legislation of which I am aware is the Sex Discrimination Act 1971 which made it illegal to discriminate on the grounds of anatomical sex in employment education and in relation to the provision of housing goods facilities and services. This was further extended by the Sexual Discrimination Gender Reassignment Regulations 1999 making it illegal to discriminate  against anyone on the basis of gender reassignment. However, this was only in relation to employment or vocational training. Although there have been trans people for centuries from what I can see in so far as legal rights were concerned in the UK. Before the Gender Recognition Act  2004 Transgender people could only have identity documents amended informally. The Gender Recognition Act came into force in 2004 following a decision by the European Court of Human Rights in 2002. Following the Gender Recognition Act transgender people could apply to change their Legal Gender for birth certificates for passports and all other identity documents.

However these did not formalise the protection of Transgender people from harassment and although there has been anti-discrimination protections through the 2000s transgender rights were not a protected characteristic until it was added to the Equality Act of 2010 in 2013.  This law provides protection for transsexual people at work, in education, as a consumer, when using public services, when buying or renting property, or as a member or guest of a private club or association. Protection against discrimination by association with a transsexual person is also included.

The definition of gender reassignment as a protected characteristic is defined as A person has the protected characteristic of gender reassignment if the person is “proposing to undergo, is undergoing or has undergone a process (or part of a process) for the purpose of reassigning the person’s sex by changing physiological or other attributes of sex”.  From this it is clear that this includes trans gender people who do not intend to have Gender Confirmation Surgery or have not yet undergone such Surgery. This is clearly at odds with eth current concern over male genitalia being hyped by the anti-trans lobbies in the current climate. Furthermore, the Equality Act 2010 prohibits discrimination against people with the protected characteristic of gender reassignment in the provision of separate and single-sex services. Organisations that provide separate or single‑sex services for women and men, or provide different services to women and men, are required to treat transgender people according to how they present. So trans gender people are already legally allowed to use single sex spaces and have been perfectly legally for seven years. An exception already exists that which service providers can use in exceptional circumstances. The exceptional circumstances exemption is only to be applied on a case  by case situation and not to be used as a blanket get out policy. Exceptional circumstances do not include going to the loo.

It seems to me the present protections are sufficient and the current proposals will only roll back rights presently enjoyed. The issue seems to be largely around self-identification and that the transphobes fear will lead to predatory men dressing to use single sex safe spaces. These seems to me to be just fear mongering by sections of the media aimed at whipping up anti-trans feelings. This anti trans bias is also evident in the BBC News which has been called out the by senior MPs and LGBTQ+ activists for being “institutionally transphobic” saying that it seems clear that the BBC is dealing with trans issues in a way it should never contemplate dealing with issues relating to any protected characteristic under the Equality Act and in particular refers to the unbalanced bias given to the anti-trans lobby when dealing with the JK Rowling article mentioned in my last post.

I can only hope that enough opposition is being put forward to make the government reconsider. It is a question of signing petitions (see Change.org), writing to your MPs asking them to support Trans rights and vote against any changes…….it is a question of watch this space.

I finish with a quote I saw on Twitter today which seem pertinent to the day to day reality:-

“I don’t know why people fret about bathrooms and changing rooms predatory men don’t need to pose as trans women, they have access to women in every other space”.  Miss Demon Kitty

.

First thoughts on the issues of safe spaces for women as this has been even more in the news than usual. Within the last week JK Rowling has written an essay on Sex and Gender Issues and the Government has “leaked” that they are going to safe guard womens’ safe spaces amongst other measures to be announced on the 1^st July.

JK Rowling has been subjected to a hostile campaign denouncing her as transphobic. She was in contact with Magdalen Berns who had brought a case asking the court to rule that a philosophical belief that sex was determined by biology and is protected in law. The outcome of the case was that it was ruled that such a premise was not protected in law.

This seems to me to go to whole issue of what is gender. I am almost certainly treading on thin ice at this point as when it comes to LGBT the T seems to me to be the odd one out in that the T relates to a person’s Gender whereas LGB relates to a person’s sexual orientation. The Trans person will also have a sexual orientation distinct from their gender identity whether it be straight, gay or bi.

In so far as I have discovered there is no one hundred per cent definitive explanation why some children, boys and girls find they have an utter belief they are of the opposite sex to their genitalia from which they cannot, will not be disabused.. There are theories that it is a result of hormones influencing the unborn child, others claim it is environmental and to do with nurture. Jan Morris  argues that being transgender is something larger, deeper and more elemental- something of which the sexual body is an indelible part but only part. She writes:-

Transsexualism … is not a sexual mode or preference. It is not an act of sex at all. It is a passionate, lifelong, ineradicable conviction, and no true transsexual has ever been disabused of it… I equate it with the idea of soul, or self, and I think of it not just as a sexual enigma, but as a quest for unity. For me every aspect of my life is relevant to that quest — not only the sexual impulses, but all the sights, sounds, and smells of memory, the influences of buildings, landscapes, comradeships, the power of love and of sorrow, the satisfactions of the senses as of the body. In my mind it is a subject far wider than sex: I recognize no pruriency to it, and I see it above all as a dilemma neither of the body nor of the brain, but of the spirit.

Why am I talking about this? There seems to be a view that gender identity relates to sex alone and that trans people self-identify for purely sexual reasons. 

The premise that males will self-identify simply to enter simply to enter safe spaces designated for women is a fallacy. There will always be “bad apples” and if some man is intent on dressing up as a women to abuse or harm them that is will happen anyway. Trans women are in themselves women that is how they identify and want nothing more than to be safe in a women’s space as do cis women. As the law stands at present transwomen can enter womens’ safe spaces. The proposed Equality Act is not conferring any greater access than already exists. In reality making a transwoman enter a male “safe space” is likely to be putting that transwoman at considerable risk of harm.

How does the Government intend to police the access to safe spaces. It would seem that a Gender Recognition Certificate may be necessary. It is not a requirement to have Gender Reassignment Surgery to obtain a Gender Recognition Certificate so you would have transwomen still with incongruent genitalia entering women’ safe spaces.

I am aware that self-identity is the major topic causing debate and goes to the core of whether self-identifying people can enter these safe spaces. As I understand it the Government is going to announce that they will require confirmation of gender identity from accredited gender specialists. To get a Gender Recognition Certificate you already have to have a medical report from an accredited gender specialist. Personally, I was pleased to receive confirmation of my own diagnosis of gender dysphoria and that I was not deluding myself. 

In JK Rowling’s essay a reason behind  Magdalen Berns’ application to court and her belief in the importance of biological sex she was that she  “didn’t believe lesbians should be called bigots for not dating trans women with penises”. What? Who you date is surely a completely personal decision. Nobody should be called a bigot as long as people respect differences and treat any another person with integrity.

Another area covered on by JK Rowling includes shelters for women. Again a genuine transwoman is just as entitled to shelter from an abusive situation as cis women. I would suggest the same arguments apply to shelter as to using womens’ safe spaces. She mentions the domestic violence and sexual abuse which she has suffered. On all counts this is completely unacceptable and traumatic and something no person should ever be subjected to, She goes on to say that she feels nothing but “empathy and solidarity with transwomen who have been abused by men”. So why should they not be entitled access to the same shelter?

These are difficult issues which need sensible consideration without abuse and threats and on another occasion I hope to look at in more detail.

.

The current social unrest and the racial tension in the US and the demonstrations here in the UK have really affected me.  It has set off emotions that I usually keep under control. I feel anger at the scenes I am witnessing I am feeling pain as I feel for those hurt by these tragedies and their grief.

I witness the fragility of life graphically shown on our television screens. Just another incident reported. The death of George Floyd filmed for millions to see, the whole world to see. It has sparked outrage and rightly so. The result of centuries of unresolved racial tension and violence.

The death of George Floyd is not an isolated incidence. It has become the focus, yet there are so many more people that have died and remain a statistic.

My daughter is black. Through her personal circumstances she was raised in a middle class white family (with all the mind-blowing associated with that and the questioning how do I belong) with many advantages and an education that has allowed her to build a successful career obtaining a senior position in a US company. Yet she has been told to her face you only have your job “because you are a woman and black”. It is irrelevant that her results are better than her peers year in, year out. Speaking to her yesterday she said how she was feeling discombobulated and vulnerable with the current unrest.

I listened to General Brown, Commander of the Pacific Air Force on Twitter saying what he is thinking about the events surrounding the death of George Floyd and what he thinks about life as an African America. It is strong and powerful. It is time for the inclusion of diversity to treat all human beings equally, to reverse and end discrimination.

Forty years ago I was reading Eldridge Cleaver’s Soul on Ice, I was a student at the time of Martin Luther King’s assassination yet we still have institutionalised and systematic racism.

This morning I felt vulnerable. I felt scared. On the News pages on social media, rightly focusing on the recent social unrest surrounding George Floyd, there was a news story, again graphically shown in film, of the man in his seventies peacefully demonstrating being knocked down by the police in Buffalo almost certainly sustaining a serious head injury, his life if not taken changed indelibly in a moment. Next to that there are the news stories of the Trans people murdered just for being trans, for being different. The transwoman shot in the US for using a single sex woman’s bathroom at MacDonalds. The rolling back of Trans rights in Hungary specifically and in Eastern Europe generally.  The rolling back and undermining of Trans rights in the US. The stalling of progress on Trans rights in the UK.

This all empowers the bigoted and mindless to feel it is open season to  harass, perpetrate violence and at the extreme end of the spectrum, kill the diverse, those that are different, other, including Trans people just because they are Trans, I realise the level of fear I ignore and shut down every time I go about my day. The steps I take to minimise risk and mitigate the fear.

It is time to look at the truth and be honest about ourselves, What lies do you hold in your head about me, a Trans person? What lies do I hold in my head about others? It is time to abandon privilege and see that the lives of all matter, for inclusion of diversity and to create equal opportunity for all.

Life is precious yet fragile, It can be taken from any of one of us in an instant. In this time of unrest I finish with a quote from a black American woman from Minneapolis “Am I next?’

Over the recent few years trans issues have become much more frequent in the media and as is well known this has provoked a polarisation of attitudes. It is great that more and more people (cis people) are beginning to stand up and describe themselves as Trans Allies. Sadly transphobia is still prevalent

One of the problems of being a cis Trans Ally is that unless they are very close to a trans person and they have seen by shared experience what being Trans is like it is essential that they research and educate themselves and if possible listen to people who are trans before they try and explain what being trans is about and before they tell trans people about trans issues.

Quite simply put every trans persons journey and their issues are different, so it is essential to listen when supporting a trans person. Many struggle and support is wonderful to have and can be life changing. In my case, I doubt I would have had enough faith to ever fully transition without the validation of a cis couple who actually got it and did listen. Those that listen have to be aware that with all of their knowledge and experience there are always limitations as they have not experienced transition. In some ways I would suggest it is no different from say someone who is supporting a person who has experienced abuse. It does not matter how supportive or empathetic you are unless you have experience of abuse you have not experienced it. So the key in any of these situations is to listen. Always listen.

Of course to gain understanding it is important while listening to ask questions and not to be frightened of asking them.  However, it is important to ask questions with care and respecting the trans persons dignity. It could be appropriate just to say “I am not familiar with this I have not come across it before are you able to help me understand?” If that person does not want to answer questions then that too is their choice which should be respected. In my experience most trans people are willing to discuss their trans issues if they are approached properly. You will appreciate when the very first question is “Had the op yet?” or some such similar question, which they would never ask a cis person, that that is just disrespectful and does not respect their privacy. That question, or something along the same lines, I would say I have been asked more often than not in the first three minutes of meeting someone and they are aware I am a transwoman. 

Another area which is worth considering is that it can be difficult for a trans person to be involved in taking part in a general philosophical debate on trans issues with cis people Their life is not a debating issue it is their life, full of emotion which they are living. It is not something to be debated about as to whether a trans identity is even valid or even whether trans people are entitled to exist.

So it is indeed wonderful to have support. To any Trans Ally I would simply say listen and be respectful.

I have seen two items from social media today which encapsulate the world of the transgender person. 

The first is the good news. In north east France a town has elected its first transgender mayor The new mayor had run on a platform of ecological sustainability and building and it was that programme that got her elected. When speaking later to the media she told them that she was not an activist and that she wanted to focus on municipal politics The mayor said “They did not elect me because I was or was not transgender, they elected a programme. That’s what’s interesting, when things become normal you don’t get singled out”.

Exactly as it should be. One’s gender is simply one’s gender and is no more or less than that. It will be amazing when this can be truly the norm. In my work life I have continued carrying on largely as normal.

I have the benefit of being self-employed so I have the advantage that I am not going to lose my job. The risk to me was whether I would be able to continue dealing with the same people in the same way. I too it steadily. I first came out to a small group of personal  friends and to the medical profession as I needed their support. When that had been accomplished and I knew I had gone full time and mentally transitioned it became increasingly difficult to manage working in my former presentation. The suits and ties had long gone. The reality was that I was presenting as an androgynous mess which probably caused more questions than answers.

The next step was to tell the professionals who I instructed through my business, solicitors, accountants, architects informing them of my name change etc. Without exception they have behaved impeccably using my new name and continuing completely unfazed. I expected there to be times when my “deadname” would be used out of habit. I was prepared not to take exception as it is a big change to get right on every occasion but this has not been the case.

As with the Mayor, I am being treated by the majority, as the same person simply carrying out my business as before irrespective of my gender. There are a couple of people with who I had ongoing contracts who have found it difficult. Again, however, there is no open hostility. With them I no longer have a name. The don’t use any name, neither my old name or my new name! 

Reported on the same media was the other side of the coin. In  Paris a transwoman was trying to get into the Metro station to be confronted by a crowd who were demonstrating against Algeria’s ailing President. Nothing at all to do with gender rights. Three men targeted her saying “you are a man you are not coming past surrounded her, kicked punched and generally humiliated her, threw beer over her, and one exposed himself to her while she tried to get through the crowd only being ultimately protected by some gendarmes who were monitoring the demonstration. I worry what the outcome might have been if they had not been there, The woman said afterwards “she had never experienced anything like it”. Sadly, even the police that came to her rescue called her “Monsieur “ and told her “not to dress like that”.

It would seem this is an extreme case. It does highlight the constant fear which is ever present when being in crowded places. I fear being on my own in a crowded situation where there is a possibility of ignorant and bigoted people  will egg each other on. Although, I have not encountered any aggression in public it remains a constant fear that at any time a completely unprovoked attack could happen and certainly has an effect on where and what I do. I have discussed this with cis women friends and it is clear their behaviour too takes into account being conscious of situation in relation to their safety though I suspect there are specifics which are different as for instance with the use of single sex loos!

I can only hope that transphobia will become a thing of the past. So much progress has been made in the last few years it does seem that acceptance will be only a matter of time.