Sometimes it just seems so hard, you feel you are making progress, when you look back you know you are. It just doesn’t always feel like that.
I have been really fortunate in the huge support I have from the lovely couple I live with and share their house. I have also had a surprising amount of acceptance in the real world with people I come into contact with through my work. I had always intended to work just on my own so I did not have to face dealing with the strains of being accepted at work. Although I am self-employed in the main I have dealings with other people and one company in particular have asked me to join them and help with sorting out some of their admin problems. It has really surprised me how I have been accepted not just by the two girls in the office but by the directors and more surprisingly by the small workforce in the workshop.
Yet still I worry I am not good enough. I am just me and that is all I can be. I am improving with how I blend in…I am not there yet so the acceptance is really great. All the time I am meeting new people through sorting the company’s problems out and on each occasion I think “Is this going to be alright?”.
It helps no end with practicing my voice on the phone…I am not getting “Sir’” so much. Meetings which are impromptu, as when the insurance brokers arrived unannounced meant I just had to go for it and reminded me I must be on top of my appearance at all times….no slacking.
All I can be is me. That is why I have transitioned, so I can be just me not pretending to be someone I am not. Not having to think about gender anymore. In practice my gender is no longer a topic in my head. I know who I am and am living my truth. All that I can do now is be the best I can be and keep up the progress even when sometimes progress seems slow and and there seems a long way still to go.