Tomorrow I am moving, the furniture has already gone I have a mattress for tonight and then I move to my new home. The shelter and protection I have enjoyed, and unwittingly taken for granted, will no longer be there. The coming home to friendly faces will no longer be the norm.
I have had to process this over a few weeks and I was at first anxious. It was only then that I began to realise how important the level of support was that I have been receiving. It is the feeling of coming home to a place you can just relax and know that the people you are sharing space with are not going to be hostile, that they accept you. There is no value that can be placed on that gift, it is truly priceless.
Of course there are ups and downs in any situation where people live closely together and share spaces. I know that from my previous relationships and this has been no different. However, it is the basic truth that these people accept you, you are not a freak and treat you as just another human being. That means that quite simply I have been able to relax when at home and not worry. My house mates have become my family and I love them dearly.
Having that level of support has enabled me to go out and about with confidence, my head held high and not hiding. Of course, I am watchful and as I have said before try not to place myself in situations that might make possible abuse or violence more likely. Then that is no different from the majority of cis women.
How do I feel about the new beginning? Positive really. More positive than negative. I guess the key will be do I feel safe in my new home. I picked the location carefully, so it will be a waiting game to see if the neighbours accept me, are hostile or just ignore me. As long as there is no hostility it will be fine. I am aware that until I have settled in I must make sure I look my best and pass as well as I can to increase the chance of acceptance. If it works well then I will feel safe to come home to my new house and live a normal life, fully transitioned. Fingers crossed.
What I do know is that I would not have been able to transition without the unswerving support of my house mates, “my family”. I have been very lucky. So tomorrow I lay my head down to sleep in my new home, on the next stage of this journey looking forward to facing new challenges.