Acceptance

It has been a strange week, moving on from my last post my reaction to the cartoon seems to have been really positive. I feel as if the “shell” that has sheltered me for so long has really fallen away.

I do not know whether there is a tipping point in transitioning. For me it has always seemed to be a long and winding road along which I have been travelling and one on which I would at some point reach a destination. I will have transitioned. Of course that is only part of life’s journey and having transitioned life will continue to be a journey while you still draw breath. Right now though it feels as if there really is a tipping point. Up until now I have felt I have been steadily moving towards transition even though I have been 24/7 for quite some time. Now I feel as if I have transitioned and it a question of making me the best transwoman I can be. I suppose it is only psychological, maybe it is, but even so the sense of freedom is amazing. I know I cannot expect people to accept me, many will not, some will be downright abusive or hostile. Somehow it is no longer so important, it will be what it will.

So this week I visited a wig specialist/ hairdresser for advice on what to do with my unruly head of hair now it has grown nearly to my shoulders. The result was I had my hair cut and blow dried in my first ever feminine style. I was delighted with it and felt a million dollars as I walked back through the town. I know it will get better as it grows and will be coloured soon. The bad news of course is that I do not have the skills to manage my new hairstyle. Yet another skill to learn in a hurry! This morning was a“bad hair day” as I tried to get some semblance of style back into it.

The next day I was visiting a firm I work with and felt so more at ease with my new hair and the two ladies in the admin team were delightful as I was introduced and were so accepting….asking a hundred questions, of course some you should probably never ask! I later heard they had said “it will be great all girls together”.  I have found the level of acceptance I have experienced to be amazing. I am not sure whether it would have been the same if I had simply switched overnight with those people who already knew my male persona. For them it seems to be more difficult to “get their head round it”. 

I have also been working on feminising my voice something I have found really difficult. I must have achieved a level of success as one of my long term work colleagues commented today “are you losing your voice you sound different”! I do not think that was the effect I was trying to achieve.