Stages

Stages

I have been reflecting on the various stages I have passed through while transitioning. Not the act of transitioning itself more the various aims and goals that I have passed through in creating my current style of womanhood. Although I feel at the moment where I am is more or less the end product it may well be that there will further stages as I travel along this road.

The first phase was before I had come to terms with who I am and was going through a phase of being a cross dresser. During that period my fashion sense or lack of it would be best described as based on sexuality. The typical form of dress aimed at making one attractive as a sex object. Short mini-skirts, stockings suspenders, an emphasis on lingerie, heels. This was not to give me sexual satisfaction as I am not aroused by dressing, more that it was in line with a sexual objectification of women. One of the places I could escape to dress was in the company of sex workers who would encourage that style of dressing . It seemed quite normal.  At that time too I would have said my strongest physical asset was my legs, so heels and short skirts emphasised them. I would subscribe to Stana of Femulate’s words “my skirts are not too short, my legs are too long”.

This formed the basis of my wardrobe for a long time. After I realised that I was transgender I started looking closer at what cis women really wear. Being critical I was surprised at how many cis women seemingly do not try to dress well. I suppose I had always been fortunate in that the cis women in my immediate circle, my mother and her friends and two of my girlfriend/partners, my eldest daughter had cared about how they looked and dressed well. 

So the next stage was experimenting with what might work on this body of mine. This ended up with many items being bought which frankly just looked frumpy. I might as well have worn a sack. Then you look around and you realise that the majority of cis women wear jeans or trousers. If you go to any public place you will find this to be so.  You will also realise that so many just do not seem to bother about how they look.

So jeans and boyfriend jumper tops, ankle boots, let’s just fit in. Nobody will notice. But yes they do…..maybe it’s the make-up or lipstick that gives it away or just that you look like a man behaving badly!

The next stage developed when I transitioned full time. Instead of having clothes for the limited times I could dress, I needed to build a wardrobe of clothes for a week or weeks at a time and for different occasions. Certainly, jeans still featured as they are great for of blending in but now I had to think of clothes to work in, where I had to try and present to a standard. 

However, as well as having to look good, by that I mean presentable, I now needed to build on how I carried myself as no clothes, however beautiful, are going to work if you walk about in a manly way. It is critical to being able to blend to carry oneself and move in a feminine way. To develop this I have worn more skirts and dresses as this makes me so much more aware of how I am walking and moving than if I wear jeans and trousers. Once I have cracked it and got that down to a fine art then it should stay in place when I wear jeans.

One thing is fairly certain however much I feel this is it, there will be more stages of development as I continue to evolve.

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