Well, I am back from the first proper break in a long time. Back to the grindstone of chasing people who do not do what is needed to make my work move forward. It was lovely being away surrounded by stunning dramatic countryside, lots of water, lochs, mountains and very few people. Wild life too, red deer at the side of the road, four seasons in one day…rain, sunshine, snow.
The further south I returned there were more people, then more cars on the motorways returning to the veritable ants nest of humanity rushing around, people chasing their tails.
I have been looking to slow down with work in any event but this has certainly brought the desire forward. One of my friends I have been staying with has been talking about regrets. I have talked about regrets before. I was full of regrets in so many aspects of my life, personal, professional, not having transitioned earlier how my fake pretence life had brought about a lack of authenticity. How I had pursued what others thought I should do.
The best I can say about all of that now is that what I have done and what I have been through shaped me. I cannot change it so there is no point in dwelling on it. I hope I will in some way manage to help my friend reach that point, to look forward and not back. When you look back you cannot see the way forward.
For me, my way forward is to reduce what I am doing and find a route out of the ant’s nest.