We are all taught that we have to achieve, that we fail if we are not successful. I am in my seventh decade (shh, don’t tell anyone) and I am only just learning that really isn’t the case.
What matters? In my case being authentic, being who I am. For how many years did I hide who I really was in case it hindered being successful, stopped me being acceptable and unable to progress conventionally.
People matter. Genuine people who take you for who you are, non-judgemental, no games. I work in property and at the moment I have a site that is not going to plan, that is an understatement, there is a possibility it could go horribly wrong. I have a colleague who is funding the site who has very substantial assets, who could afford to walk away without any impact on his life. We have had a long conversation today in which he has made it clear that his objective is to get me out of the situation without loss. If that can’t be done then to protect my interest, so in the long term I do not have a problem.
We discussed relationships, he has a fear of being committed living 24/7 with someone yet he is in love with “his lady”. She would like to live 24/7 together. Yet after a year of trying options they have to come to accept he is her boy and she is his girl. It doesn’t have to be conventional provided you are committed. I shared that I had had a relationship for 14 years where we shared space for 4 days a week, yet we were an item it worked, that now I was in an unconventional relationship, not living together 24/7 but committed 24/7 and it worked. It is what matters to you, not what people think.
I was speaking to a good friend yesterday who appears to be struggling with wherever he finds himself right now. I feel quite clear, whatever it takes I want to be there should he want to share. If you love someone it does not matter how they got into a mess, what matters is supporting them to find a way out of their mess totally without any judgment.
One thing I feel is important is not eating yourself up with blame. From what I can see nobody sets out to get themselves into a mess. These things happen and beating yourself up is just counterproductive. Learn by all means but feeling shame, beating yourself up does not get help anyone to move forward.
What matters for me? Connection, no bullshit doing the best I can not to play games. Life is too short, especially in your seventh decade!