Change

In my last post I wrote about routine, how it helps me to be focused and at the same time be more free. In this post I am looking at making a significant change in how I live. I have agreed to move in with my friends and share their home. Simple enough you would think. Yes it is. Making the decision is the easy part, I have no doubt this is what I want to do.

Then comes the next stage. I have a house, a home of my possessions. They have a home of their possessions, so two homes and only one house. In my home I have been still been sorting possessions, stuff which I inherited from my parents’ house when my father died ten years ago. Amongst those possessions were papers, items from his parents’ home from when they died in 1965. It has been agreed “don’t bring much with you”. That’s fine. How do you do that? Where do you begin.

In principle I have my own room and apart from that we share the house. So what I need is just for my room, it is a good sized room, yet the room has loads of fitted wardrobes, thank goodness, and there will be a bed there. 

There are a few items I know my children want so let them have them now. Then what, possessions have emotional connections. Yet this a new beginning. Another new beginning. 

When I transitioned I had not expected to feel so disconnected from my previous life. In that life I feel as if I used possessions to make things right, to keep me connected. There is also an element of this is “mine”. I do not need that now. I do not need things to be okay in the way that I did. I want to be free from them. 

Not all of them. There is a picture which I was given on my 21st birthday that still resonates with me, an Autumnal scene, that is coming. Two really unlikely items, an Ali Baba washing basket which came from the house of a good friend that died two years ago, a simple reminder of that friendship along with a small pottery bon bon/ trinket dish from his home, beautiful in its simplicity. They still mean something to me, a connection. The odd other practical items I enjoy, a T light holder that looks lovely when lit, a writing table/desk. There again there is a choice, they are both nice pieces. The smaller one is a genuine antique, Georgian. It was expensive and because of this I always worry about it being damaged, cup rings, scratches whatever, so although of course it will not fetch any money, they never do when you sell, that is the one that should go I would be free of the worry. 

I have at times been obsessive. Some years ago I bought a Victorian Watercolour at auction which I loved and then proceeded to find as many as I could of the same artist until I had probably a dozen or so. The original purchase remains but it is just a painting now, no more. Somehow the obsession tarnished it. It is still a beautiful watercolour but there is no emotional connection. I have done that more than once.

When my first wife and I parted, I left just with a large holdall. I left behind all the books I had collected while at University, some 800 or so and a not insignificant vinyl collection. The books have built up again, nothing like as many, maybe 100? They are friends a comfort being there. Virtually any book or music can be found online. How many do I need? Very few, a small bookshelf will easily accommodate what I would like to keep. 

An advantage, in my eyes anyway,  will be I will not be leaving my children the hoard of possessions, clutter I inherited from my parents. It has taken a lot of time and effort working through it all.

So the plan? Put together the few items I would like with me, let the children have what they want, if anything, and then have the house cleared. Be free of possessions, not be weighed down by them. It is still some weeks away. I will be interested to see how it works out. What emotional attachments come up as I put the plan into action.

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