I heard “I am driving home for Christmas” on the radio on my way home from work today. It set me off thinking. Well of course Christmas is going to be different this year with the virus still rampant. I am invited to my daughter’s home for Christmas lunch. Apart from the virus, I would be really pleased to go. There will be my daughter, her partner, my granddaughter and grandson with my youngest son who lives with her. My eldest son will be with his wife’s family.

I am really content with my transition and have no clothes from my former identity. I recall last Christmas when I was at my daughters and recall that I made a concession of being pretty androgynous as to how I presented. Jeans and a jumper, no make-up. My children are fully aware that I have transitioned, however I have not really ever pushed it into their faces. My son said that “you need to do what you need to do but remember who you are talking to”. Hey what does that mean? He is ex-military (at the time he was still serving) so I get the macho image, but then many military personnel have transitioned. My eldest daughter said “I would not have chosen it but you have to do what you have to do” and seems supportive.

So what of this Christmas. I would not hold back and would attend as I am at work and indeed am every day 24/7. That doesn’t mean I would push it in their faces by being overly flaunting my femininity, but I do want to be able to be myself. Because of Covid we have not met this year despite talking regularly. Talking is good, yet they do not see the reality of how I am. 

I am mature and I am concerned about keeping safe until the vaccine reaches me. There seems no reason for me to take risks and my present view is I will not go to my daughter’s for Christmas especially as they have now gone into Tier 3.

I can rationalise this as being only because of the virus. In fact it also allows me to avoid facing everyone at one sitting. It would give me another year to pick off members of my family in easier circumstances. I feel I should probably face up to it sooner than later however I am not sure I am ready yet!

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